Solutions? What solutions?

It's been a while, but here goes.

For the longest time, I did not know who I am but I am slowly getting it. I am a fixer, a problem solver. I analyze situations, look for the possible solutions, then provide them to the person who can carry out the best option. Sometimes that person is me, sometimes it is someone else.

What I have slowly discovered however, is that sometimes I can't find a solution. Why? Because sometimes there isn't one. Sometimes life just throws you something that you have to deal with and fight through because there isn't a solution. It does not happen very often that life works like a sitcom where everything is wrapped up with a bow at the end of 30 minutes. Sometimes we get lucky, but not often. For an accountant who seeks completion and finds solace in things that make sense, that can be hard to understand and even harder to accept.

I think I am starting to understand it and if I get lucky, soon I will be learning how to accept it as well. But not yet....not quite yet.

Round and round

Well, it's been a while, though perhaps not long enough for some people. :-)

Nothing much to say right now because I have always heard if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything.

Life right now is (and for the past few years has been) pretty messed up. My divorce went through, kind of, in April. The judge had everything read into the court records but until my ex signs the documents, things are still in limbo. She has had them in her hands for almost two months now and nothing has been signed. Not sure why she won't sign, but I have no control over it and really can't move on in regards to many things until she signs.

My daughter, who lives with me, has basically become obsessed with the next door neighbors (or at least one of them). Not to much to worry about as far as anything happening since they are a gay couple but she has basically decided to spend all of her time with them and has taken to calling them her adopted family. I am doing what I can to guide but with her being 17, bullheaded and eager to blame me for everything that goes wrong, there is only so much I can do. That likely sounds defeatist but it is simply the truth. That only touches on the tip of the iceberg so to speak but most of the other things are private for right now.

Work is difficult on one hand while being rewarding at the same time. I work with a staff that is extremely loyal, hardworking and dedicated. I would say this is easily the best staff I have every had the pleasure of working with in my life so that is good. The difficulty comes in where the new ownership, which has never managed residential properties, is very unwilling to take advise from people who have extensive experience in our company. That gets frustrating because there have been many times (including one today) where I have been blamed for something that went wrong when, in reality, the owners refused to listen to what I told them needed to happen to prevent the problem I wound up getting blamed for.

I will never understand why people refuse to accept my guidance or advice. I have asked mentors for suggestions on how to present things. I have asked peers what they do. I have been told often that I am simply too quiet and willing to put up with garbage so people don't respect that perhaps what I have to say has some merit. It makes no sense that I would have to get loud or pushy to get people to listen but clearly what I am doing right now is not working.

On a good note, my devotional life is getting more solid. I am spending more time praying and reading the Bible, very possibly because I am trying to find out when all of this garbage over the past three years will end. God says He will never give us more than we can handle but it has become clear that He has a much higher pain tolerance for me than I do.

Enough for now. Lots of other stuff is happening but I won't get into that. I am really hoping that good things will start happening soon as I could use a break.

At this time I am focusing on being thankful that I have food to eat, a warm place to sleep, clothes on my back, and solid friends and family. Many people have far, far less than that so my life could easily be much worse.

Where to now???

Since my divorce got settled, I have had a really uneasy feeling. Not sure what to do with my time, where to focus, what to work on.

I couldn't figure out why I was so out of sorts until I was speaking to a friend of mine hashing out some of the things that have happened over the past 3 years. Then it finally came to me: I was/am suffering from withdrawal. For the past three years, hours of my life have been consumed with reading legal correspondence, reading or sending emails, making phone calls, spending hours trying to figure out the proper course of action on several issues and generally trying to find some room to sleep.

Now suddenly, it is over. I actually have free time. I have nothing consuming my thoughts, no pressing matters. And the most shocking thing I find is that I need to learn how to find things to do. Or more accurately, decide what I want to do with the time I now have. You see, up until the divorce was settled, I did not have this luxury. I had no time to waste if I wanted to get all the housework done, groceries bought, car fixed, etc. With so much time being consumed by something I had no choice over (legal proceedings), I simply had to react to everything else.

So, as I move forward, it will be an experience learning how to focus again. It is easy to focus when you have your back against the wall and need to be able to focus if you want to survive. I am learning it is much harder to relearn how to focus once that all-consuming part of your life disappears and leaves a huge void. But I'll get there. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

Wow, talk about tired

Well, my divorce is settled. I have heard a lot of people say a lot of things about how I should feel, but in all honesty all I feel is tired and worn out. It has been the most draining two years of my life and I would not suggest it to anyone. If you have issues with your spouse, put in the effort to work them out.

If (as it was in my situation) the ability to influence your marriage in a positive direction is completely removed due to extenuating outside influences, make sure you find a friend to walk through the separation or divorce that follows. I was fortunate enough to have that and it made a HUGE difference in my life.

But, a friend can't sleep for you or deal with the stress for you. So what I am feeling now is tired. Just plain tired. I am hoping that I will be able to get back to normal (whatever that is) soon. And then I can start looking to the future. For the near future, the only thing I will be looking for is my bed (oh, and the channel showing my Bruins beating the Habs but that's a blog for another day).

Now THAT was cool

Wow. What a cool day. Yesterday I did something I never thought I would do.

A good friend of mine asked me a couple weeks ago if I would speak at his wedding yesterday. He had experienced a really rough few years and in the past six months met an incredible woman. They fit incredibly well and are very focused on how they can serve God together. I have rarely seen a couple fit so well. So, I said sure, I can say something.

Then came the shocker a couple days later when he sent me an email outlining his thoughts. He didn't just want me to speak, he wanted me to officiate. I was to marry them. To say I was surprised was an understatement. It had never occurred to me that I would be given that kind of an opportunity or that I would be viewed as someone who could do so. After spending some time praying about it, I agreed to do it.

Well, the wedding was yesterday. It was an intimate event with about 25 people there and everything went very well. I was never nervous at all and when speaking with the bride afterwards, she said my voice had been very calming and confident and she really appreciated what I had done. Another friend of mine, who was also at the wedding, said he wasn't surprised to see me do it. It felt surprisingly natural to do something that two or three years ago I would never have had the nerve to do and I am thankful for both getting the opportunity and for having the nerve to say yes.

It was a great experience and it stretched me which was good. I'm starting to realize that sometimes something out of the ordinary is just what we need to get us moving. The past week or so has seen a turn-around for me on many levels and this wedding was another step in that process.

As I said at the start, wow, what a cool day.

Random thoughts about movies - 2007

Great movies from the past year (and a bit):

August Rush - Not sure why I liked it so much, but I know I liked the music in this one. Very understated movie and a really unique turn by Robin Williams. If you like a movie with a good story line and a really unique view of how to make music and the part it plays in our lives, take a chance.

Bucket List - This may be one of my favorite movies of all time. I'm not a real Jack Nicholson fan but I was really impressed by the way he presented his character. Morgan Freeman on the other hand impresses me every time and this was no exception. In fact, he may be my favorite all time actor so my enjoyment of this movie may have been impacted by that fact. The basic idea that these two men would connect takes a bit of a leap to accept and yet the movie pulls it off and it works. Dealing with death is often dangerous territory but this movie deals with it as well as I have ever seen. The basic premise of the movie surrounds a "bucket list" which is a list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket. How this plays out is done very well and brought laughter, tears, joy, sadness and frustration at different times. And how you view this movie will be very influenced by how you view life. This is the one movie that I came out of this year thinking a lot about how I live my life, how I interact with others, and what I want to make out of the rest of my years.

Wild Hogs - Wow. If you are a guy who is in his 40's who is wondering about how you got where you are and if you have it in you to take a chance, this is a movie you need to see. This is the one movie I have seen several times. Most movies I will see once or twice but this one I have seen often. Why? Because as much as it was a funny movie and there were great gags (make sure you know which container holds the fuel and which one holds the water when you go camping), there were some great lines that really hit home. My kids liked it as well so it isn't just for 40 year old men, but they liked it for different reasons than I did. If you ever get the chance to read the book Wild at Heart, or if you have read it, this movie laid out a lot of the same thoughts that are presented in that book.

I Am Legend - Never saw the original Omega Man so I had no point of reference. Wasn't sure I would like this one but it was in the cheap theatre so I thought I'd take a chance. Good decision. The more I see of Will Smith, the better I like him as an actor. It takes a lot of skill to pull off a movie like this and he did it very well. Was it a classic movie? Likely not. But it was really good and I found myself wishing it had gone a bit longer which for me means that there was more story to tell and the story that was told was told well.

Die Hard 4 - How can you not like a movie that has a helicopter getting taken out by a police car? Still one of the most enjoyable action franchises. (And if Bruce Willis can do action at his age, maybe I still have a chance to get in shape). :-)

Transformers - Incredible special effects.

Bourne Ultimatum - Excellent ending to the trilogy (which apparently now may be adding a fourth movie. $$$$$$$). It is rare that a third movie does such a good job of wrapping up a trilogy. This is one of the few movie franchises that has had excellent action, acting and plot throughout and could easily add more movies in the future.

There were several other movies I saw during the year but for me, those top my list. Kind of a diverse group but I liked each one for different reasons. Feel free to let me know if you agree or disagree.

2 good things

A few years ago my boss and I were sitting in the office dealing with the usual issues at work. It had been hectic and while some things were going good others were going bad. We were faced with some critical deadlines when I had a thought (it happens).

I looked at my boss and simply said "two things". He looked at me like I had lost any semblance of rational thought which, looking back, may have been partly true. Year ends, tax season and auditors can do that to an accountant.

Anyways, back to what I was saying. He looked at me for a minute and then said "what the heck do you mean 'two things'"? To which I responded"tell me two good things that happened today. Don't think about it, just tell me two good things."

That led to an agreement that at any time of the day we could ask the other guy to state two good things. We were only allowed to do it once a day at most and the two good things could be related to work, home, church, sports, whatever. It did not have to be a specific topic and the only thing that needed to be said was "two things" and at that point, nothing else could be discussed until those two positive things from that day were stated.

I discovered several things from that agreement:

1. You would be amazed at how hard it can be to think of two good things if you are immersed in a hectic or difficult day.

2. Being forced to think of two good things almost immediately turns a bad day on its head. It is very difficult to not feel better when you do realize that good things are happening.

3. It's a lot of fun to be in the middle of a conversation, say the words"two things" and watch the other person's mind click into gear as they try to come up with something.

4. When it is possible that someone can ask you at any time, with no notice, for two good things, you tend to keep trying to spot good things so that you are ready.

Want to have some fun? Find someone you work with or spend a lot of time with. NOT your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend (too much potential for fights or using it at the wrong time). Then try doing the "two things" process. It can be fun while at the same time it helps to refocus you on the positive things in your life. My boss moved on to another company almost two years ago. We still keep in touch and will occasionally throw out "two good things" at each other. And every time it still brings a smile to my face.

So.....if you're reading this, quick, list two good things. I dare you. :-)