No more "Mr.Nice Guy"

No, I'm not turning into a "bad boy" even though that would seem to enhance my chances with the ladies. And I'm not becoming a jerk. That's simply not in my nature. But after working at it for about five years I think I am finally ready to move away from being called a "nice guy"

Look up "nice" in Webster's Online Dictionary and the first definition you will see is pleasant or pleasing or agreeable in nature or appearance. So basically being nice is just being present. A nice guy doesn't offend anyone, stand out, stand for anything or risk anything. He is always reliable because it is easy to know what to expect and is safe.

For a long time I worked to become a nice guy. Don't rock the boat. Don't offend anyone. And for heaven's sake don't speak my mind if there is any risk involved. About five years ago, I began to realize that being "nice" was killing me on the inside. I was becoming nothing to everyone. But I had no clue how to change. Society wanted me to be safe. Work wanted me to be safe. My wife wanted me to be safe. My church wanted me to be safe. And safe = nice so that was what was expected.

About two and a half years ago, while my marriage was in it's last stages, my oldest daughter said something that made me realize how being a "nice" guy had damaged my children. We went to see the movie The Fantastic Four and afterwards she said I was like Mr. Fantastic. I took it as a compliment as he was the leader of the group but was quickly corrected. She said "you're like him because you're so flexible. You bend over backwards and never stand up to anyone, especially mom. You are always nice no matter who does what to you. And your son (she used his name) is just like you" Those words cut deep but as I look back on them, they were exactly what I needed.

Since that time, I have focused on becoming a guy who will make a difference. I'm not a jerk and I don't work on being mean. In fact, often-times I will come across as being nice simply because that is how people will view it. But for the first time in my life, people have started referring to me as "good" instead of "nice" and there is a significant difference in expectations. You see, good people are expected to make a difference. They are expected to stand for what is right and help people. And I'm fine with that. The best thing is, it seems anyone who matters to me is fine with that too.